Previous Episodes: #1, #2
It's all fine
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A documentary is released that says the world is just fine, that there is no need to worry about the future, that it will all work itself out when the right time comes and that the people are worrying because of expecting too-much-too-soon from a species of marginal intellect.
(de)faulty indecision
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
really indecisive man is unable to come up with anything he wants when a genie
appears and grants him a wish. He says the same answer he always gave his
friends when asked what he wants to eat: "Anything is fine". The
genie chooses arbitrarily and grants him the super-power of a strong sense of
smell … you know, like a dog !!!
Poetry of life
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
scientific minded guy who keeps saying, "Everything
in universe happens by pure chance and human emotions are nothing but chemical
reactions involving neuro-transmitters and dopamine" is ganged up
on and trashed by his anti-war, anti-violence artist friends for ruining the
poetry of life.
Sustainability sells
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Sustainability becomes sexy. Finally making the connection between the action
movies glorifying violence while ensuring that the macho hero wins the girl as
a prize at the end for killing the bad guys and the climatic and ecological horrors
perpetrated by a male-centered economy and the male "bigger, longer, faster" mindset, a new
wave of feminism based on sustainable living sweeps across the globe. All the
ladies jump in on this massive
revolution seeing Mother Earth's health as a women rights issue and take
it even to the fanatical point of discouraging romantic interests with those
engaged in unsustainable lifestyles:
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
vile, horrible young man who was hated by everyone for he spent his high-school
and college years bullying his classmates, casting sketchy remarks at girls and
disrespecting his teachers suddenly undergoes a spiritual transformation in his
early twenties into a soft-spoken, decent human being after he starts losing
hair and the rapidly accelerating male-pattern baldness sharply reduces his
self-confidence to continue being a prick.
Recession Times
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Altavista makes a comeback as world’s leading search engine. Someone sells an
Amway-type pyramid scheme marketing model to Google and it retires happily
becoming a union leader taking care of advertising for all the road-side
street-vendors around the world. Meanwhile, Facebook opens a web-based passport
photo service.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
sage (rishi) curses me with the most horrible curse possible because I
disturbed him from a deeply engrossed meditation after I accidentally strayed
into the premises of his idyllic hermitage whistling a Justin Beiber song.
The consistent life
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
self-help best-seller book advocates an extreme form of rationalism and argues
that the truly rational people will always choose to act consistently all their
lives without having to flip-flop on issues, apologize for their past actions,
always making decisions according to the same unbending, unflinching moral code
all through from cradle to grave to ensure that others will never get a chance
to point a finger at them and say, "But
when you were young, you did all kinds of stuff, but now you want others to
follow your rules unwaveringly. You should have practiced what you
preached". The book also outlines the two possible personality
types that fit perfectly the above criteria of truly rational person:
- BE SOMEONE WHO NEVER DOES ANYTHING AT ALL because a man who does nothing makes no mistakes and the one who makes no mistakes never apologizes.
- BE AN UNABASHED, OUT & OUT, SELF-INDULGENT JERK (work this one out).
Free Speech Day
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. The government
designates a day in year as a
"Free-Speech Day". That day you can say anything you want to
anyone you want and it's totally legal.
If only everyone will listen to me ...
NOT GONNA HAPPEN. A
world-wide problem-solving conference organized with the theme "If only everyone will listen to me … " to discuss the strategies for fixing the
world is attended by a large number of socially responsible, well-intentioned
intellectuals including mathematicians
who brought concrete proofs to make the case for altruistic cooperation, extreme extroverts who think that if
every one knew everyone, none of these problems would exist in first place, environ-activists who are convinced
that banning all the plastic spoons is a good place to start the healing
process, free-trade economists to raise awareness that nothing must
disturb Ivory Coast or the world will run out of chocolate, religious people who are just there to
prove that atheists are "technically religious" because they after
all do believe in something, windy,
sunny, non-oily anti-consumerists, misanthropic
pessimists who are largely inspired by a combination of Schopenhauer
& Nietzsche and so on. The conference ends with a unanimous recognition
of an old, unaltered stalemate -
"getting everyone to listen to one idea takes a lot of money which none of
us have".
Meanwhile, a
capitalist somewhere is praying to a portrait of Charles Darwin …
Posts
2 comments :
if the free speech day could ever happen it would be really hard to imagine how the world would be after it or....... there wont be a day after the free speech day.
hehe ... yeah ... the day after the free speech day is the all-frown day !!! :)
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