Thursday, May 24, 2012

A brief history of my strife with the "Salt and Vinegar" flavored potato chips plus why some foods are like the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey ...

Potato chips with
"Salt and Vinegar" flavor have to be the most vile example of those food items whose taste gets worse and worse every time you keep trying to eat it - ranking even above timeless classics like bactericidal infected putrefied aging milk or anything with an artificial flavor of cockroach infested caffeinated mushrooms.


I am convinced that this sinful, evil, terrorist-like flavor was surely conjured up overnight by an ill-tempered B-school intern who didn't care about his job as his real interest in life is to be a stage magician (although the only trick he knew of making anything disappear is by surreptitiously swallowing it). Or may be it's an outcome of a 12-hr long corporate team-building exercise whose mission was to create "something instead of nothing" using just three out of the total six sigma principles - There is a lot that can happen in there ... we will never know! But I command you, the reader, to empathize with me because I try. I really try to appreciate the taste but yuckkk ... Every time, I taste them I hate the taste even more. The worst came about when it became the subject of my disturbing nightmare last night when I dreamt that an army of "Salt and Vinegar" potato chips invaded my private island where I secretly stored all the slurpy, slurpy mangoes I have been saving from all my childhood's summer vacations. Before I could get there, they started rotting all my dear mangoes by offering the very handkerchiefs they sneezed into - very much like how the European settlers decimated the native Americans.

There are some foods you make peace with as you grow up like an eggplant or mint-chocolate ice cream or a pretzel. I used to aggressively discriminate regardless of gender, race, caste or creed against anyone who orders mint-chocolate flavor of ice cream. Some foods take time to grow on you. They are like the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey":  

(1) You try to check it out initially because everyone hails it as a timeless classic and you don't understand a thing but have to pretend to all your
friends that it is indeed a classic lest they would think you are too dumb to understand such an obviously awesome masterpiece;
You buy the book by Arthur C Clarke, you like the book but find no connection to the movie because the director decided to "reinterpret" the ideas while translating to the audio-visual art form;
Then, you keep watching it 5-6 times more, even with subtitles if the movie really has any point or is it one of those urban legends like "democracy" or "economics is actually useful", you know, like something that everyone agrees with each other in the open as terrific but seriously doubt their own convictions in the privacy of their bathrooms;
In despair, you stoop down to even reading a couple of Master's theses of Film Studies majors who analyzed the underlying metaphors in the movie;
And one day, you finally chance upon an youtube animation explaining the movie in 3 minutes - and AAHAA ...THEN YOU GET THE POINT of what ... the ... heck ... the movie was all about.

Long story short, I figured that mint-chocolate ice-cream had a point in a similar way after 6-7 years of
passive yet persistent trying.

But "Salt and Vinegar" chips ? No goddamn way. The more I try it, the more my soul gets bruised about the nothingness of our existence and gets all cynical about the oxymorons embedded in the phrase "corporate social responsibility". Look ... ummm ... I am a modest person. I don't crave for any super-powers but for once, I would like to change the way you look at something. I genuinely wish to have enough influence that I can disrupt this cruel flavor of potato chips from the supermarkets just by strongly bitching about it. Like how Mahatma Gandhi changed the way you look at beach bodies. Like how the hard-working ant changed the way you felt about grasshoppers. Like how that famous mid-Saturday afternoon sermon by the pope changed the way catholic priests looked at young altar boys 14 centuries ago.

At this point, some of you may ask why did I even buy that darned "Salt and Vinegar" chips? Because there was a "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE" sale going on and it was no where written that it still tastes horrible. WOKAY ?


... said...

I remember you always ate chips out of that box thingy, no? since when did you start buying the packets? Salt and Vinegar flavor for one I wouldn't mind if Lays puts more air into packaging :)

Rohan said...

Sometimes these big MNCs can be really stupid! Remember there was once a blue pepsi in honour of our men in blue? It sucked big time! This is just to make a hype I guess..

Twilight Musings said...

Ah, but what was your tolerance to acetic acid before trying to understand its combination with fried potato slices?

If you can tolerate from Balsamic to white vinegar combinations with raw vegetables (or even pickled), perhaps this is not difficult to understand? (I say 'understand', not 'admire' or even 'like' -- I don't want these thought sensations invading my mango horde).

I got the point of 'mint+chocolate' once while trying to eat girl guide chocolate cookies after scraping off the mint cream. Enlightenment happens in the direst of circumstances.

Sash! said...

@ ... : They were on sale. Do you even read what I write ? :P

@ Rohan : ha ha ... yeah ... i think MNC keep their hands away from inventing ... they should simply take the product of a genius inventor and buy him off. i remember that blue Pepsi ... it had disaster written all over it ... :)

@Twilight : yeah ... mint + chocolate is still ok ok ...

raspberry vinaigrette - best salad dressing ever ... I am not averse to vinegar in principle but who put 5 liters of vinegar and 3 kg of salt in one single bag of potato chips ? ... W-H-O? :)

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