Saturday, December 03, 2011



THE MOST HONEST TV CHANNEL


Hello, I am F-TV.
I show creatively-covered pretty girls all day long. Simple, honest and direct programming when you find yourself in the simplest of moods wanting the most simple things in life. If you aren’t the type who likes checking out the latest shoe trends, we still might have something else for you.

No trying to sell you anything. No sensationalism. No loud music to attract your attention. No script. No pretension. No reality TV. No joking.
No BS.

What’s inside is what’s outside - all puns intended. Enjoy your stay. 



A MASOCHIST VISITS HEAVEN


This is dedicated to all those religious people left in this world who are aspiring to go to heaven. I have a question about heaven if it's actually an attractive post-life destination. Firstly, I hope that you agree that a reasonable definition of heaven is that it is a land of eternal happiness - where everyone is always, always happy with no other options. Now, allow me to indulge you why I think that is a suspicious state of mind.

If we are always happy, then we have all we ever wish and desire, then there is nothing left to do and nothing to crave and nothing to act upon - because we have EVERYTHING !!! Suppose, you wish to have an ice-cream. On earth, you have to actually take your car out and make sure you have your driving license and registration are in proper order. Then, you have to drive carefully following the lame traffic rules just to avoid the horror of speaking to an insurance agent. Then, you enter the damn store and you have 86 flavors to choose from. As you can see, the whole ordeal of buying an ice-cream itself is a painful undertaking that any reasonable definition of happiness must avoid all these constraints. In heaven, a mere thought of an ice-cream would probably result in flashing lights, sparkles and lo, the ice-cream magically appears. At this rate, there is nothing people need to do. Soon, we would find even thoughts being painful. And since all kinds of pain are strictly banned in heaven, we will not be allowed any thoughts even. So, now we are someone who have no desires and thoughts to act upon. Our minds are still and blissfully resting in peace forever. In other words, we are exactly like dead people. Therefore, I seriously doubt if anyone wants to be "eternally happy" !!!

You see? Happiness must have separation as a prerequisite. We need to be separated from the thing that is going to make us happy so that when we get it, we feel good. The way I look at it, heaven and hell are metaphors for our emotional states of happiness and misery respectively. Our mythology and religions identify them as physical places representing the extremes but they are nothing more than symbols. We experience "heaven" when we get the ice-cream and "hell" when your car is towed because you took too much time in deciding what flavor of ice-cream to get. With this concept in mind, let me interest you in a B-grade definition of life - "A constant subway ride between the two terminals - heaven and hell".

You see my problem? I don't know what part of understanding heaven am I getting wrong but it probably has something to do with shallowly equating happiness and ice-cream.



TISSUE PAPER ADS

I have never seen an ad for a toilet tissue paper in my life. Did you? I don't know what the future will be but not once so far have I come across a commercial on TV nor heard one on the radio nor ever saw one of those full page ads in newspapers that tell me the benefits of one brand of toilet tissue over others. Why is that? Some people might argue that products that are miraculous and those which deeply affect our civilization's standard of living needn't have a marketing campaign and that they can sell themselves. The Google search engine is a top notch example in this category. Something as useful as Google is easily spread through word of mouth - no need to spend any money to constantly remind people. Well, there is some sense in this line of argument to explain the lack of ad space for the toilet paper industry.

I feel there is another huge reason. It is really hard to get models to endorse a bathroom tissue. Between you and me, it won't make a great resume point. Plus, it is not at all easy to perfectly gesticulate an expression that conveys the sublime satisfaction derived from using a given brand of toilet paper. Actors with such kind of prowess are usually better off making Oscar speeches thanking their mothers and insane amounts of crazy good-luck in their lives.

How desperate must "Charmin" have been IF they hired a cartoonish bear ? 


A MUSE ON SNORING

All things remaining same, do you think a person with a habit of snoring burns more calories than a person who doesn’t snore?

I mean, because of the continuous sound energy emanating for about 7 hours every night? - The energy for the snoring must come from somewhere inside. Right? Given the current state of economy, I guess it will be insensitive to fund research like this, when people are struggling to put food on the table. It’s really sad to see our curiosities and freedoms crumbling like this because of a bunch of bank employees.

On a totally separate subject, "‘coz he/she snores too loud !!!" has to be shallowest reason in history of humanity for breaking up with someone if it were to happen. What say?

2 comments :

purnima said...

i dont think it would be hard to endorse the models for a bathroom tissue bcoz in this age of ads and modelling models pose bare or strip for a shoe brand and a model bites another just bcoz he's putting on a chocolate scented deo. So according to me the models wont have a problem......as they dont have to show expressions related to use of a bathroom tissue.

Sash! said...

you are absolutely right ... they reduced Vidya Balan to do the dirty picture, i simply lost hope ... :)

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