Thursday, December 08, 2011

1. Friends, it has come to my attention that they are now selling "Vegetarian Eggs".


Now, I don't have my own cooking TV show nor have I ever authored any best-selling cookbooks. But, I can assure you that the concept of "Vegetarian Eggs" is pure grade-AA nonsense. If you take the world's worst botanist and inject illegal amounts of crack into him and then pop the question, even he would find it outrageous to conclude that the egg-shaped object resembles some vegetable family. It is clearly not a vegetable even if God endorses it. Ok?


But, you see the marketing wizards call them "Vegetarian Eggs" because …. hah, hah, hah … they fed the chickens vegetarian feed. Since when did we start caring what our food ate? How the hell is a vegetarian life-style of the chicken whose cloaca popped my egg (That's right, bitches. It's "cloaca" - look it up !!!) supposed to make the egg vegetarian? In fact, Why go only 1 level down? If we go 4 levels down, we are eating earthworms for dessert. I bet that thought is even more comforting.

2. Cell phone companies must stop using logic like, "Talk more to save more". First of all, if I waste all the time doing more small talk with people I am not interested in, when will I earn enough money to afford this ridiculous cell-phone plan to save more later. As you can see, the goddamn thing is already dead-on-arrival. Trust me. There are reports coming in that people are turning to infidelity, making new acquaintances just because they have extra talk-time on their monthly contract. I know it's all good for business but what will happen to the moral compass of our generation if this trend goes out of line? Someone like me needs to step up to question all this.



Talk More to Save More?
- When did our criteria for cellphone consumption change from maximizing personal convenience to minimizing call charges per minute?



3. I love the Kohl's store with all their saving coupons but I think they really nailed it in this ad:


In this case, you $15 "Kohl's Cash" for every $50 actual cash you spend. Observe the tagline that says, "THERE IS NO LIMIT TO HOW MUCH YOU CAN EARN". and notice how they have equated "spending for goods" to "earning super-shopper points".  When business interests can courageously imply "SPENDING" by using its very antonym "EARNING", I immediately realize that we are entering an interesting phase in history and I just want to say that I am glad to be alive in this time and age.



EPILOGUE:

If you thought marketing is all about taking fresh horse-manure, sprinkling some glittered perfume on it and then enclosing it in a transparent designer container and charging you for the perfume and the container, you are getting only part of the story. Marketing people want more from you than you thinking that they are full of shit. They are not done with you yet. What they want is you to be tired of thinking that they are full of shit. When you are fed up, when you stop paying attention to their noise, that’s when you start taking them for granted and you start ignoring them. And that's when they can flood you with over-choice. That's when they get away with selling anything.
That's when you start shopping without properly processing information. That's when start getting what they want. BINGO-BANGO. (Also refer: "confusopoly")

Keep visiting this section as we unearth more shopping scandals in future episodes.


Finally, a word from our production team (just making it sound official for this obvious marketing ploy) :

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