Thursday, August 18, 2011

An incomplete list of  typical profiles sighted at the Anna Hazare's anti-corruption rally in New Delhi ... 

1. PICKPOCKET

Of course, we have rules -
No women and No Children. Although, we started making an exception for kids whom we can't trust them with their own smartphones - trying to catch up to the times, you see. We try go after any man with sunglasses, thick hair, dangling blue-tooth devices or earrings, rockstar t-shirts, sweaty bandanas, bulging pot bellies, expensive foreign sneakers, nerdy glasses, who's wearing pink or sucking on a lollipop, leather jackets or nose-pickers. If we can penetrate 10% of this market segment, we  declare a field day for us.   
No. I am not worried about ethics or stuff like that. Ask anyone out here if they want scams worth lakhs of crores by politicians or getting your pocket picked one day while protesting for the country's sake. The answer will reveal a lot about human nature. At least, I am not judging anyone. Now, if you excuse me … 

Courtesy:
Pickpockets have a field day outside Tihar (THE HINDU)


2. AVERAGE JOE
Yes, I may have lied on my tax returns but it's not time for discussing personal moral dilemmas. Something larger than every individual is happening here. The morality of our great nation is at stake as this exciting chapter in our story of democracy is unfolding.  Twenty years from now, when I look back at this epic day ... What question do I want to ask myself : Is it "Was I there when my India needed me" (or) is it "Did I pay all my taxes" ?. The answer is simple. Jai Hind !!! 

Picture Courtesy:
iyermatter.wordpress.com

3. MR. DEBATERS
News Anchor: Being a Congress party MP, how can you justify the UPA government's action of detaining Anna Hazare even before he began his fast on Tuesday to press for a stronger Lokpal bill? The government should recognize people's mood. Getting elected to power does not mean absolute freedom to do anything for five years. How are you handling the pressure to release Mr. Hazare after stupidly arresting him? Had Gandhiji been alive today …

MP: Hello. Hello. You media people are always big joke. Have you seen the movie Peepli [Live] ?

News Anchor: Peepli [Live] ?? By the way, that movie makes fun of everybody and the whole system including politicians.

MP: See, you didn't understand the movie at all. It shows what farce you media people always create.  For you media people, democracy and the country is a big joke to earn money from. I suggest you go and see that movie again.

News Anchor: For your kind information, I have seen the movie 2 times. 2 times and I remember every scene of it. Also, that is a fiction movie with a fabricated issue. Here, we as a news organization reporting on real concerns, real protests and real events. I am sure our viewers very well realize our commitment to bringing the true stories to the fore. By the way, why are we even discussing about the movie ?

MP: <wink> <wink>


Courtesy: A conversation on the Times NOW news channel
4. MR.VALENTINO
I am super-thrilled. Check out this bad boy. Come. Look closer. Isn't it a beautiful ring? Just got it at Malani Jewelers-right across the street. … A solitaire diamond ring in 24 carat gold. Do you think she's going to love it? That's right. I am going to propose right here, right now, while the protest is going on. I have been waiting for the right moment for quite sometime now. I guess this is it.  She is always telling how proud she is to be an Indian. This could go down as the most patriotic proposal in the history of democratic India. Imagine what a great story I would have to tell our kids if we get engaged while protesting for a corrupt-free India. How do you think she would react? I mean, things are going totally ok between us although we have been having some arguments lately and all. I don't know. I am all confused now. May be this is the right thing to do. But, look at the ring. Isn't it something? Anyway, LET'S DO THIS and then we can take a break and celebrate. Wish me luck …  

5. IRONY MAN
... err ... Folks. Folks. If I may interrupt. It seems that now Anna Hazare has agreed for a 2 week fast instead of the initially advertised indefinite fast. I am puzzled as to if bargaining is allowed in this sort of thing? I thought we were going all the way. Whatever be the merits of holding government ransom by announcing that you won't eat till you get what you want, but when we have decided to put a gun to government's head that way, may be we should stick to our guns? What  is this negotiation business now? The whole point of threat is to hint at the possibility of a well-publicized death. Now, if that option is taken off the table, where's the gun now? Now, they will just wait out the two weeks - all because of a new-found adulthood pragmatism ?
Does it mean that the Congress has managed to pull this off somehow? Frickin' geniuses … 
6. NIHILISTIC HIPPIE
If you ask the majority of people around, they would say that they are here because they are tired of living in a corrupt world. That is where my fascination begins. No one can define precisely "corruption". If a businessman is overcharging for his service out of sheer greed, Is that ok?  If a mom offers a child a chocolate just to make him do his homework, Is that wrong? Who decides what is fair? Corruption can be only defined relative to what's fair i.e. collective moral standards of our society. But, I get it. What people here are precisely protesting is against the "deliberate misappropriation of public funds". But if you call it "deliberate misappropriation of public funds", people would look at you like a moron! We need something simple-sounding like "corruption". So, at best, "corruption" is a metaphysical concept like "God" and protest is like a religious ritual. Never underestimate religion - it makes us do stuff we would never understand.   
I am sorry what was the Question? oh ... Why am I here? To check out chicks, dude. Yes! I am the type who finds nationalist rage in a fine lady appealing. Sue me, OK?

7. OPPORTUNISTIC SOCIAL WORKER
No. I am not here to support Anna Hazare. But, we are here to organize a "Social Work and Charity Expo" right across the street. Since, thousands of people have already turned up here, we are just trying to take advantage of that and spread social peace in our special way. You will find almost 40 stalls trying to organize mini-rallies or protests over a range of issues like "Delhi SlutWalk Reprisal"; "Shammi Kapoor Death Mourners", "The Delhi Belly Movie Fanclub"; "Society for eco-friendly Popcorn at Multiplexes" etc. It's a completely non-political, carbon-free way to show that you care. Plus, we have a great selection of road-side chaat stalls, a huge giant-wheel and merry-go-rounds for kids, internet kiosks and a fireworks display is being planned as well. 

  • Pictures were shamelessly pilfered from the Internet.
  • Special Thanks to long-time collaborator - GTOOSPHERE.

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