Thursday, April 14, 2011

Read on to find out your personality type based on why you welcomed the victory of Anna Hazare?

PROLOGUE:
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1. THE PROTESTINATOR


We've done it, man. We've done it. Democracy is about people and it's been proved once again without doubt that the power of people can't be underestimated. We, together, have showed those sleazebag politicians who is in control and Oh boy, it feels gooooood.  We won the first battle in this warmind you, nothing less than a war this,  against corruption and injustice that has been eating this country from within. I am just glad I am part of this incredible revolution that lasted a whole week. To start with, I liked all the relevant Facebook pages - "Support Anna Hazare" / "Enough is Enough" / "Stop Corruption now"  and actively participated in all the discussions out there. I was quick to update my status to "You won’t support Anna Hazare if you are corrupt yourself ... Put is as your status and bring an awareness". I tweeted and retweeted and overtweeted all my thoughts and passions and voiced my concern for the future of my motherland - until my goddamn smartphone's keypad is comfortably numb. I planned 3 candle light marches in my area but finally made it to the one that was over the weekend and to experience the shared purpose and glowing passions in a group was simply celestial. I must have shared over 50 newspaper articles and posted a live widget of his entire fasting on my blog site. It was an ambitious effort from me and from millions of Netizens sharing one dream of a better India. Some idle, unpatriotic friends with no sense of context and responsibility pointed out that I am using a pirated version of Windows to participate in this digital revolution. Well, I might be but it's the end that justifies the means.  Right? Last but not the least, Special Thanks to Anna Hazare for leading the way - we wouldn't be claiming this victory but for him (Inspired by Gachhibowli Diwakar).

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2. THE OUTSIDER a.k.a a die-hard fan of George Carlin

A STEAMING PILE OF BULLS**T is what all this is. How the hell is you updating a goddamn facebook status and sharing a bunch of youtube videos all the while sitting topless in your smelly underpants in front of a PC make you war hero in this peace revolution? For Godssake, get a life and stop engaging in a pitiful show of desperate need for attention. Poor middleclass mops with dead-end software jobs trying to fool themselves that they are in control and stealing the thunder from the real person who is actually fasting to death out there. And one more thing. It is not a "Anti-Corruption bill" as you delude yourself. Precisely, it is a bill that can be used to sue the ass of a corrupt politician if he starts acting too funny.  I support this bill but only because more laws and rules imply a more entertaining world. It is a mere psychological mascara and is not going to solve any problems - just do the math, my friends: corruption has survived 2 million years of human evolution, you think a rule will change it all?  Besides, we all know how well the suing works in our country. The ruling class has got all this well factored in. Take my word, folks. The government did not do this because it got scared of you or Anna Hazare or anyone else. It agreed to his demands because it makes political sense. A well-publicized death of an 73-year old man is political suicide. Period.

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3. 24X7 NEWS PERSONALITY

... I have to interrupt you, Mr. Khanna. Our poll results have just coming in, as we speak.  That was Mr. Sameer Khanna, the president of the All-India Candle Manufacturers Consortium shedding light on the fluctuations in the national economy of the wax candles when a social unrest is going on. Anyway, a new internet poll we conducted this morning indicates that an over-whelming 86% of the youth prefer to show solidarity for fighting corruption using the 21st century social networking websites like twitter over the 17th century style of lighting candles in a park. Analysts argue that the unpredictable wind patterns in this time of the year might be the reason for the declining market share of the candles. In what is being pitted by the experts as an unprecedented rise in the popularity of the web to make political change happen, this is an interesting trend in the history of young India. Don't go away. COMING UP NEXT: A QUICK LOOK-BACK at the history of the Internet, followed by a detailed analysis of Twitter accounts of your favorite Bollywood personalities and how they are celebrating this phenomenal victory of Anna Hazare …

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4. THE SHALLOW SOCIALITE

He is, like, one of those guys, you know, like who actually  does, like, something for our country. I am sooo for this dude, somehow. Let's put up our own, like, own show of solidarity in support of this movement. Let's create, like, an anti-corruption theme for our weekend party. We can have something, like, "WEAR GREEN BELOW YOUR WAIST TO FIGHT CORRUPTION". I was, like, listening to his profile while waiting in the hotel lobby today and do you know, like, he did something, like, what Shah Rukh does in "Swades" movie. Isn't that, like, totally fierce? … what? why are you smiling? ... that's ridiculous ...  How am I suddenly gay, if I pause to care about our country? …. Oh come on … who says only gays can use the word "fierce" … it's a perfect uni-sexual word … in fact, you are looking sooo gay ... Just look at the color of your shoelaces, they don't even match with your bandana. heehehe.

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5. DESI GRAD STUDENT

Yo, man … yeah … what about the corruption thingy going on back home ? I heard we are so close to stopping corruption in the country. Yeah … Yeah … I saw your facebook suggestion for liking those the fan-pages of Anna Hazare, but, hey … I have been so busy with all the course projects. They are killin' me. Time the country got up on its feet and did something about those corrupt politicians who are stealing our wealth, man …  As a patriotic person, who has left the country in search of some quality high-education overseas, you have to do the best you can for your country's sake. I will surely become a fan of those pages and the pic of the innocent child lighting a candle you tagged all of us in - very moving …  Will surely share your status and spread awareness. What? The brick yard is holding  a candle ceremony for Anna Hazare. Alright, when is it? … aah Dude, Tuesdays I have my part-time job hours. Can't make it, man … will have to miss it …

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6. BAD-ASS BY-STANDER

abe yaaro … yeh Anna hazare is stud bandha, bhe … I frankly don’t understand why a real leader should be risking his life for the sake of the country. In fact, what I feel is that inspiring visionaries like Anna Hazare are too costly to be lost in something like  a hunger strike. Imagine how his resume would like : war-hero, social activist, padma bhushan and then dies of hunger strike - doesn't reflect high of our society, if that’s the case. So, here's my solution : why can't we get one of those french models who suffer from anorexia to be the front-face of our campaign? Hunger-strike is a way of life, a philosophy they live by … plus imagine how the glamor quotient multiplies when a hot French model becomes the poster face of an anti-corruption movement in India. With a little bit of lateral thinking, you use someone else's defects to make a political impression and no one gets naked. SUCK ON THAT, PETA.

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7. FULL METAL OPTIMIST

It is a great victory for a great country as the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi has been rekindled in a splendid display of peaceful democracy. It reinforces my belief in the power of the people - and the fundamental goodness of all humankind. And with the recent success of Anna Hazare, I believe that we will one day end all corruption; humans will learn to live peacefully respecting each other's opinions; there will be no wars, no strife, no conflict and the whole world is one family.


So, What are you? Can you guess what I am? Please tell us in the comments section.

P.S. Concerned over the recent spike in sincerety and honesty amongst people, the pictures in the article were corruptly and shamelessly flicked off the internet - Just to balance the equations.

6 comments :

Satwik Gade said...

I think, I come closest to the second last one. I don't claim to be a badass but his reactions kinda mirrorred my own!

g2 said...

can't help but love Carlin's view point... the socialite was good too although I felt Bollywood supporters need a different category!

Purba said...

Agree with G2 - what about the Bolly stars who descended in droves looking all grim and intense. Since the "starvation for a cause" was happening in my city, I had to turn down an umpteen number of invites and made to feel very very guilty.

I guess I was the amused bystander wondering if this euphoria was misplaced.

And I simply loved this post!

Sash! said...

Thanks a lot for your comments ...

@ Satwik : Well.. i guess I couldn't make all of them surreal and crazy enough and in the process, gave away myself ... my mistake ... :P

g2 ... i knew you were the Carlin type ...

Purba ... the most amused by-stander has got to be the chai/pani puri/samosa wala at Jantar Mantar who was selling stuff to eat for people who came to see and support someone fasting unto death ... (Since I have no data on this, but i have hunch that this could easily happen in our country) :)

BK Chowla, said...

I would not classify myself, but I am a staunch supporter of Anna

Sash! said...

@ Chowla: Yes, me too ... i admire his guts and his leadership ... but what baffles me is how people are self-congratulating themselves just because they typed in a password into their social networking page ... :)

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