Saturday, March 12, 2011

MISSING BOSE MISSES HIS AWARD TOO

TRUE FACT:
Indian freedom fighter Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose was awarded "Bharat Ratna" (the highest civilian award in India) posthumously in 1992. The award was later withdrawn due to a legal technicality. Want to know the technicality? No one could confirm that he was really dead. It seems there was no "conclusive evidence" that he was really dead, so mused the supreme court. My guess is that if he is still alive today, he'd already show up at the Guiness Book office to collect his award for "oldest man alive award". At least give it to him now, please. He's the most classy guy in our history textbooks ...

ANOTHER TRUE FACT:
All fake and eligible Gandhis (Indra, Rajiv) were awarded the "Bharat Ratna" but the real Mahatma Gandhi was not awarded.

THE PROBLEM WITH SUPERMAN

Superman was #1 of my favorite superheroes but recently slipped to #2 because of an inexcusable goofy thing he did, albeit, a long time ago. I was watching Superman 1, for the sixth time before a flash of rationality fired an important pattern of neurons in my left brain. ...And then it struck me. Hey, what's the deal with  the whole "TURNING BACK THE TIME". First of all, turning back the time should not be allowed as a superpower. A superpower shouldn't overtly meddle with the space-time fabric this way. Superpowers should be sublime enough that your villain has a finite chance of beating you but he won't because you are awesome. Trying to go back in time and rectify the mistake is loser stuff and should be left to cricket coaches and corporate consulting firms who make a living by insisting that one should learn from his action replays or past mistakes.

Besides, who the hell gave this guy the permission to meddle with the only planet we humans got. Ruining this planet is our job and our job alone. Let no superhero foul things up for us this way again. What if he made a mistake in basic calculus? For all I care, we could be plunged into a couple of ice-ages overnight while we are trying to turn the thermostat up a notch with all the greenhouse gas emissions for a couple of centuries now.

And you know why he did that? For his girlfriend !!! See, something like this would never happen to Batman (#1).

By the way, this is for the Indian kids: Do they still write in Chacha Chaudhary comics that his "brain works faster than a computer" ? I was just wondering because times have changed and today even a computer can work faster than another computer if any of those "Mac vs PC ads" can be believed.

SMELL OF PAPER

Just when we thought the eBook readers like Kindle are doing their bit in saving the environment by letting the interested people do away with actual books and thus, indirectly reducing the cutting of trees, we have some funny gargoyles grumping that they are missing the "smell of paper". Naturally, businessmen with their usual non-discriminatory policy in identifying and supporting stupidity on our planet came up with the following product:
Now you can finally enjoy reading e-books without giving up the smell you love so much. With Smell of Books™ you can have the best of both worlds, the convenience of an e-book and the smell of your favorite. Pasted from http://smellofbooks.com/
Hey Mr. S-N-I-F-F-M-A-N, I got a bunch of water-dipped, sun-dried, vacuum-sealed bag of yellow pages and telephone directories that no one here wants. Their 90-degree corners were preserved with extreme care so that they can fit easily into any corner of your house. Also, Thank your stars as we have an early-bird promotional offer going on where you get the whole 50 kg package for free - just pay for the shipping and become a proud owner of this premier, round-the-clock olfactory experience. HURRY UP!!! OFFER VALID TILL STOCKS LAST !!!

PG-13

I saw a someone on the internet using "WTH" to exclaim some displeasure over something that could have upset his mood for a short duration. Given that the letters "F" and "H" are equidistant from "T" on a standard "QWERTY" keyboard, I am not granting him any tolerance for this abominable hypocrisy. I think it's safe to assume that every adult with more than two days of internet experience knows the right answer to the fill-in-the blank question: "What the _____" ?. I can't believe grown-up adults still use the language reserved for pre-teens. May be he wants to pretend to be a nice guy in front of someone special. Or May be he is an active member of a support group that is fighting to preserve "WTH" for 18th century cultural significance and nostalgia. I don't care and I want the expression "WTH" to be immediately weeded out by natural selection.

This one is especially for the girls out there who euphemistically use "What the fish" or "What the frak" or "What the heck " or the good ol' classic "What the ****". Hey, potty mind, we know what you are thinking. Nice try. Caught ya (wink, wink).

(SOME) PRE-DATE PRECAUTIONS

Here's a recent thing I learnt. Reading a spiritual philosophy column before going to a date - NOT ADVISABLE, folks. I had sometime to kill after I got ready for a special evening and my eyes rolled over to the spirituality column in the Times of India. The column opened with:

Life is a combination of the subtle and the gross. The gross, though easy to comprehend, has its own set of problems and the subtle is difficult to comprehend. For example, the body is gross, the mind is subtle. Again, the mind is gross in comparison to the soul, or being. While moving from thoughts to words to actions, we are moving from subtle to gross.
Pasted from http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-09-05/holistic-living/28233234_1_subtle-energies-elements-side-effects

I don't about you but I tend to be super-serious while taking philosophical advice from a casual newspaper. So, as I was ruminating how the whole body is gross and how the mind is far superior, she comes over and asks a "frank" opinion on her dress. In case you missed, let me point to you again to the quote-marks around the word frank in the previous sentence. At this point in my life, with no fault of my own, I found myself facing a duality that is completely capable of determining the quality of the impending near-future. Of course, swayed away by the over-whelming rectitude of the argument in the spirituality column and not having enough time to address my delicate composure, I couldn't help ignore the quote-marks and utter the fateful words: "The body is gross, the mind is subtle … it doesn't matter … we are getting late … hurry up".

End of story: A bouquet of Flowers : Rs. 400/- ; Recharge Coupon for cell phone : Rs. 200/- ; Take-out curry point meals : Rs. 55/- . Self-pity: Priceless !!!

(Courtesy : A short story by Woody Allen)

5 comments :

g2 said...

I always wonder that if Bose had been alive well into Independent India's existence, why wouldn't he want to come back? It's not like he's a war criminal to be on the run!

Damn it, that smell of papers was my business idea!

Sash! said...

@g2 : first of all he's not alive. second of all, if not, right!!! i think he's the indisputed heavyweight world championship in hide-n-seek .. he can surface now ... :)

i know ... a yellow (?) would only try to do what other people want :P

Purba said...

Err the Bharat Ratna Awards were instituted in 1954...Gandhi was a framed photo on the wall by then.

Sash! said...

@Purba : Even Rajiv was a framed photo when he was awarded, but they decided that it is important to give it to him ...

It always amuses me that politicians don't have awards shows and competitions. No politician can win an award unless it's the highest honor for which the only qualification is to be a citizen ... and be willing to take a lot of crap for duping a lot of people ...

RG said...

Im with you about Superman.

More over, If you can turn back time by simply making the earth rotate in the opposite direction, time should run backwards on Venus, right ?

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