Monday, November 08, 2010

CAUTION: Do not try to argue with me on this one.

I am CONVINCED that things have legs. All my life, I have been regularly losing stuff and I need a good answer to the mystery. First of all, I am not as careless as you’d like to think. Ok? I just kept that damn thing here as I stepped out for the other thing and I return here and it’s GONE!!! The damn thing has escaped. The same story just happens over and over again, day in & day out. God knows how many of my possessions just walked away from me with no fault of my own. And hey, no one can walk away without an intentional pair of functional legs. Can they? Either that or the power of invisibility, perhaps.

You should know that I am not a person who likes to plan much about anything. At any given time, you can find me waiting for things to fall into my lap or me jumping into someone’s lap. And yet, believe me, folks, when it comes to securing my things, I have really tried. I tried to be careful; I tried to remember where I kept my things all the time. But, still, they fricking manage to disappear. It's spooky that it was just here hours ago. I wasted years of my life on this planet trying to search for stuff I allegedly misplaced – keys, wallets, laptops, cameras, socks, shoes, clothes, receipts, papers, pens, pencils etc. etc. etc. ... I bet my search time on this planet recently exceeded 5 years … and 5 years for these goofy materialistic orgy memorabilia  does feel like a whole waste of time.

As reluctant an activity as searching is, we still have to do it – because we need that thing right away! But, the search operation is never smooth. Isn’t It? In the middle of this cursed exercise, there is always a pesky friend who'd come along and cannot seem to contain himself from something like :
"Do you remember where you kept it? "
These are the times when I wish punching in the face was as socially pleasant as a handshake. If I remember where I kept it, I wouldn't be looking for it like a goddamn moron. Would I? Can't you think through this logic for 2 seconds before hastily uttering anything?

Or he would try to be optimistic and say :
"It must be somewhere around … it can't walk away on it's own. After all, they don't have legs."
Oh! Yeah? Mr. Einstein from the Department of Lost & Found ? Thanks for explaining to me that things don't have legs. I will remember to drop in a word for you at the Mensa club membership. I was under the impression it stepped out for some fresh air ... If any of these friends really want to help me, I suggest they go onto the internet and order an Amazon Kindle for me as I continue to search for my keys.

Hang on with me on this one. People lose things all the time in the most mysterious fashion and never seem to run into them ever again. If it happened to me alone, you could ascribe that to my negligence. But you know very well that you are not a careless, stupid and absent-minded person. Are you? Eh? And yet, you lose stuff. Don’t you? How can you explain this? Simple. Losing stuff is the one of most under-rated yet mystical and sometimes deeply spiritual experience that all of humanity shares. Friends, Think about it. The evidence is overwhelming. Things do have legs and they will choose to walk away from the owner. I know you are still thinking that it’s logically implausible and against the laws of nature. I am not at all unnerved by all this. This is not the first time mankind believes in something in spite of over-pouring evidence. For example, take the God question. Despite scientists' sincere efforts to convey the logical fallacy implicit in a belief in the existence of an all-powerful, omniscient God who is running the cosmos with his whimsical magic wand, people believe in Him anyway. So, come on. Please trust me on this one.

I can still see you are not convinced. May God help you. You know what? Convincing all you grown-ups draped in pretentious, impudent cloak of logic and reasonableness is a waste of time. As Michael Jackson once said, “Thou art incorrigible”. I will pass on my wisdom to kids. Thank God, these young marvels have not been brainwashed and they have a whole promising future ahead of them with a lot of stuff to lose starting with their box of color pencils today.


Dearest Kids, 

Don't cry, dear. It’s not your fault that it has walked away from you. I can tell you what happened to it. A MAGICIAN STOLE IT. That's right, junior, a magician indeed. Ever since PETA protested against using animals in magic acts, incidents such as the following are on the rise …

Once again, don't try to argue with me on this one.


The Regular Joe said...

Dude! the cartoon was ROFL funny :D

Purba said...

I like your theory - things have legs. If only they had ears!

Sash! said...

Thanks, guys !!!

Anonymous said...

@purba: They don't! Whenever i loose thing i call them, beg them to return, they don't listen to me.. rather they don't hear me. Things have only legs.

Anonymous said...

hello there thanks for your grat post, as usual ((o:

Shalini Chauhan said...

omg...sash ! waiting 4 things 2 fall in my lap..blah blah.. too good ..funtaastic ! :D

Alka Gurha said...

As you rightly said, there is no point in planning beyond a surprises you at every step.Nice post.

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