[evil-twin] How to Name a Scandal?

from the desk of flawsophy's evil-twin ...

I am simply annoyed by the way every scandal now has a suffix "-gate". What's going on? Today we have Monkey-gate ... Fodder-gate ... porn-gate ... exam-gate ... memo-gate ... horse-gate ... and so on. Between you and me, what images cross your mind when you hear the word "monkey-gate"? Whatever it is, it is definitely not some angry cricketer who said "maaki" and an Australian with  Australian ears heard it as "monkey". Isn't it? This whole media business of suffixing "-gate" to the name of a scandal is completely unnecessary. Believe me. I have done exhaustive research looking into the depths of cosmos only to conclude that there are simply no physical laws or rules on how to name a scandal. It is usually the media's first contribution to the crime in question - by adopting a thoughtless naming system that helps to divert and cover-up the actual facts and motivations.

I wonder what happens when we unearth a scandal in which we find that every night for the last 5 years, this politician has been secretly jumping over the parliament gate to sneak into the building and come out with a whole bunch of cash and stack it in his home. What would we name that scandal? "Gate-gate" ? I simply can't wait for this irresistible day when the media would realize how moronic their naming pattern for a scandal is. Here's another one. Let's say this time, politician with a completely different facial muscle structure but the same overall moral blackness is involved in a huge international racket that smuggles asses and other beasts of burden across national borders and needless to say, gets caught. What would we name that scandal? "Ass-gate" ? You would think "Ass-hole" is more appropriate. Ain't it?

Besides, the whole gate thing started with "watergate" which was the name of the building where that whatever-that-should-have-not-happened happened. It's a fake "gate" but still a gate nonetheless. So, why are we suffixing "-gate" to issues where there is no gate involved. Is it out of sweet scandalous seventies nostalgia? (or) out of respect for American nomenclature of scandal? It's not like American media even came up with the "-gate". They had no choice because it was the name of building !!! Do you see my point, god damn it ? I am increasingly concerned how we are hiring more and more people who have no skills other than cracking entrance-exams to manage our information and policy-making.

Finally, I unveil my rules for naming a scandal:  

1) use words that describe the crime scene. Tell the truth, folks. There is already enough bull-s**t as it is. There is no need name it confusingly.  

2)Add "-gate" only if an actual gate is involved. Else, be a little cheeky and add a "-hole" to the name. I am sure you will agree it's much more 'rectify'ing.

click here more evil-twin stuff

Tweet

Lord Krishna, the Übermensch ?

I have gotten into social troubles many a time in my life … out of being misunderstood ... Or being unable to act wisely … although I was convinced I was doing the right thing, I am the one who usually ends up apologizing … this happens like 1% of the time … the 99% of the time, I screw up - Plain and simple … Being not very religiously inclined, I have for a long time struggled to find what are the core values one should act upon … 

what are the fundamental human qualities I value … I guess the 2 words that define my value system : compassion and discernment …

… first of all .. One has to recognize that the goal, the aim, the purpose of life is not to be a nice romantic walk in the park or a bed of roses … or a bathroom  with fancy tissues …  or any other nice things you can think of … life is supposed to be painful … and full of challenges … remember, metaphorically speaking life is winner in the duel against death .. Death, is of course the majority … most things in the universe are stone dead or nonliving relative to living things … which means that if you are alive you are a triumphant minority that beat that nasty son of a bitch called death … for a short while ... And the deathly majority is trying to pull you back … so everyday a whole bunch of problems are created that make you feel that life is tiresome and crazy and ridiculous … see?  Life is not intended to be nice to you … hey, you are the one who chose to beat the overwhelming odds … so deal with it !!!

Having said that … what's the model with which you can cope up and keep winning as long you could … by winning, I mean deceiving death for one more day or something like that … that’s life's ultimate tale .. Isn't it ? Constantly whispering into our ears that we will get through this … and it's going to be all fine … and we are going to make it .. And tomorrow is going to brighter … and we all know … there is no law in the universe that says tomorrow is going to be brighter … but, we still have to move on …and find a reason … All the arts ... All the music … all the movies … all reaffirm the fundamental throes of pain and help arrange a short escape-trip to the land of everlasting hope … and ever notice that  happy endings in movies are indicative of this fundamental message of hope and one more war-cry to fight and escape death … as pusillanimous as they might sound to those macho people with capacity to spend extraordinary times in gyms building muscles and at the end of the day can't hunt their own food and instead swipe a credit card for buying frozen meat ...   it's just fascinating to think of this … do you see how important it is to delude ourselves and how often we crave for that message to come and reach us all through everyday … through family and friends, and work and entertainment vistas … and so on ...

We are all hanging by that thin line of delusion … the day the delusions around don't work … you are lost … you have no point in life … there  is no purpose .. And this is the time you walk into a bar and have a dry martini or update your facebook status as "depressed" or do something drastic like deleting your Facebook account …

So what's the model to cope up and provide these delusions … our society/religion ("thin lines between 'em") has a whole bunch of models created for us  … may be one of them works for you …

1. The simplest one, of course, is to ask one to trust a "powerful course, the creator, the omniscient …. The can-do-anything type of guy" … The whole Abrahamic tradition springs out of this outsourcing the stress through belief, hope and trust … ever notice how major world religions have hijacked the terms (like "hope", "truth") that are central to human existence as to be offered only in a certain format …
    
2. Clearly, on the opposite of the spectrum is the extreme Buddhist thought  or one of those monks who celebrate Shiva by smoking pot  … which argues that "hey … unless you realize it’s all goddamn illusion and stop taking life seriously … you can't make it … and it's pointless to want to be alive … and to somehow try to make peace with pain … death is the true destiny " … this is the kind of talk I never somehow connected with .. I mean, it logically seems correct but withdrawal from life's essential stress seems as innocent as outsourcing the stress  … somehow … somehow … my genetic predispositions (perhaps) never let me take life as pointless … you see ?

(I know I might have stereotyped the religions .. But we can argue about it some other day … )
 

I always felt the model that worked for me is not a combination of 1& 2 but somewhere between 1 & 2 … that is … somewhere between blind faith and complete lack of faith … I think we ought to realize that life is a pain … but also learn to use one another to understand each other's pain …  this calls for two most noblest values : compassion and discernment … That is the model that Lord Krishna symbolizes …(please note  that this is a personal interpretation .. We are talking about models here … not actual, objective, divine personalities … )

… A whole bunch of amazing folklore praising the Krishna during his childhood days about being a prodigy and savior of the villages by lifting mountains with his pinky (I could never figure out the mechanics of that one … can anyone lift anything with their pinky ? Beats me … )  … may be I am totally unaware but there are not too many songs of praise that commemorate his later years … the cunning years where he even sidesteps all legal and moral rules of war by the way he plots to kill Duryodhana by asking Bhima to hit below the waist  … although it's against the rules of a fair fight

At this point, Krishna, observing the fight, calls out to Bhima and signals him by repeatedly clapping his own thigh with his hand. To others it would appear like applauding the fight, but as Krishna intended, Bhima was reminded of an oath he had taken after the game of dice to crush Duryodhana's groin as retribution for insults to Draupadi. Bhima viciously attacks Duryodhana with a mace and strikes his groin, and Duryodhana finally falls in battle, mortally wounded.

Pasted from <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duryodhana>

(Picture courtesy : link)

 … After all, think about this … in a fight-until-death match, in a duel where the winner takes all … I think it's a genius move to kill the guy somehow … anyhow … esp. when your opponent is too good … who's going to come after you anyway ? You are the ultimate champion alive in the world .. It doesn't matter one bit … it's pure and simple logic … full points to Lord Krishna for thinking this through …

ok .. Enough of fun … but what does Krishna represent ? What model of the divine does he represent … ?  Krishna watches all long as the story of Mahabharata unfolded … he gives a fair amount of chance to everyone … and gives the benefit of doubt to the genes and insecurities  … he doesn't screw around until the final situation is approaching the point of no return … the point after which there could irrevocable chaos … and then he pops the brilliant question : should we seriously try to beat an unfair individual in a fair fight ? Who says so?

Here's a divine manifestation that's not about being nice or taking care of you … if God is entrusted with taking care of every personal wish ... and if two men desire the same girl … who's gonna be hurt ? He doesn't care about the rules … remember the universe has no rules … there are actions and there are consequences … Krishna knows this …that's why he has the discernment to set the rules and invent new ones … with one goal in mind … dharma: that cosmic moral and material balance on earth … the balance that ensures that life will ultimately triumph … he can be cunning, loving, decietful, caring, heartless and compassionate … he can mastermind a cold-blooded murder … or create a miracle against all hope … anything for dharma ... Dharma is the numero uno that sets the context for all other lower-order moral, religious and political ideologies …like natural selection, competition, dog-eat-dog, altruism, charity … that's what the God has to be about. Isn't it ?
  

He is the how a real superman must be … loads of compassion and discernment … discernment is the sign of intelligence and compassion, that of goodness …that’s two top most virtues in our world we truly respect  … isn't it? - (1) being smart and (2) being good ... Notice how religions over-emphasize the kindness of God but what about the smartness? Don't you think He must be super-smart as well ? ... it's this emphasis in Krishna's Character that gives me the kick ... even a casual reader will grasp that Lord Krishna is one hell of a smart God ... In the Indian mythology, Vishnu has always been the problem-solver, the go-to guy, the Mr.fix-it ... Isn't that a natural combination? ... being able to be the guy who can get things done while rooting for the general good of everyone ... that’s the real Übermensch (German for "Overman, Overhuman, Above-Human, Superman") of Friedrich Nietzsche when he asked how a God must be and How an ideal man must behave … my answer is in Lord Krishna as a concept and a model not as a divine personality … and that is the model that convinces me … the model of compassion and discernment … I think the concept of Krishna as the supreme divine is one of the brilliant philosophical inventions ever to come out of the Indian civilization … As the avatars of Vishnu progress, the concept of the "God" evolves with increasing complexity along with increased moral complexity of the society and it culminates in Krishna - one of most complex, under-understood (is that even a word?) concepts in Indian mythology ... 

His story exemplifies one thing :  not rush into action  … he asks you to show the compassion for pains of others … and show discernment that is well rooted in that compassion … LIFE IS A BIG PAIN IN THE PELVIC POSTERIOR but recognize this and let's watch out for each other … and make the world a beautiful and a friendly place …

Compassion transcends every other value and virtue you can think of … I always had the hunch that it's not about truth … we keep running into people who are always about truth … they take immense pride in talking straight  (especially, when they have not done anything wrong) … doesn't matter if it destroys other's self-confidence … the "tell truth all the time" is still  a very good policy … works 75% of the time like  a charm … but the other 25% of the time …  we need something more sublime … empathy and compassion …  we can't even convincingly define the damn word … that’s the complexity which Krishna symbolizes … and that is the core message of Mahabharata … and the core message of every religion … I guess … According to Jeremy Rifkins, we are getting there ... check out this brilliant talk ...

Dear Reader, Sincere apologies for crude editing ... it was deliberate to post it as a rant than a well-intentioned article ...

Tweet

The Porn Metaphor

PROLOGUE

Ladies and Gentleman, I have to tell you that I am disgusted and offended having heard what happened at the Karnataka state assembly. First, the guy was caught watching porn, which is OK, I guess. Second, he resigns? Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on ? 

 

………………………….

 

So, the guy's having a little entertainment in the middle of work. BIG GODDAMN LOSS IN PRODUCTIVITY FOR THE NATION. If any of news bulletins over the last few years can be believed, we should be relieved that a politician is taking a break from his work ... taking a break from scamming the public a little more - may be, the country saved a couple of million rupees because three politicians were not concentrating for 5 minutes. Who knows? Also, what's so fascinating about an assembly proceeding that you can't miss it for 5 minutes. Instead of watching and listening to a bunch of fat politicians ram their chee-chees everyday into our virgin country's chaa-chaa, our hero was watching the same manifestation of this general idea in more visually striking format - PORN. To me, the guy's act was poetic and a befitting symbolism of what's happening every day in the country. Instead of witnessing our country's economy and people being screwed in the most explicit and vulgar fashion, he chose to watch a video idolizing the same core essence. Big deal. Technically, the politician was still on the job. To all those pretentious urban middle class people with gifted abilities to enjoy large amounts of small talk, the politician might be a sick personality but I am willing to generously grant the accused a benefit of doubt because he got the metaphor better than anyone.

Another point. It's after all his cell phone. He owns that piece of crap. What he does with it is his business, at the end of the day. Isn't it? Suppose, he was tracking the stock-market or catching up on cricket scores or just reading a text from his wife not to forget 3 kgs of fresh tomatoes on the way back from work. Would we still behave the same ridiculous way ? No, it's not even news then. I am beginning to worry that the double standard is somehow because we got "porn" in the story. In fact, if all these so-called moralistic, decent, gentile class are so concerned about a politician's productivity in the assembly, they should demand outlawing the smart phones. Because nothing distracts and screws up your attention at work like a smartphone. I am confident that if you own a smartphone these days, you have a permanent incurable medical condition of poor presence of mind, addiction to instantaneous gratification and an overall self-confidence of an enslaved consumer zombie. Henceforth, I say, beat it !!!

The thing that really beats me is that he had to resign because according to the Chief Minister, "nothing that went against Indian culture would be tolerated". Ok, folks, I am not even trying to analyze a statement that's so full of hypocrisy masquerading as spectacular bull-crap. Honestly, don't you agree that there are worse things a politician can do than watching dirty videos - like lying ... or deceit … or participating in the assembly proceedings and carving out an economic policy that strangles poor people of decent standards of living ? In an age when we are finding it hard to remove people from the office even after strong evidence of them being involved in burning economic holes larger than our Milky-way galaxy's rear, this guy is out on his all-horny ass in a jiffy ... Tch Tch. I really hoped that our nation would display a sense of humor, poetry, reality and perspective on this issue but I must say that we simply blew our chance to look cool.

THE REAL METAPHOR

Have you wondered how porn represents the ultimate metaphor for "completely forgetting the context". Humankind's relationship to porn magnificently captures our instinctive response to any titillation which removes us from the reality of our experience at that instant. Just the same way when a young boy's mind exclaims "OMG !!! She took her top off … " and his body proceeds to act out the natural hormonal rhythms of that simplified thought, the media today behaves exactly like that, rushing with cameras and running wild with a story completely devoid of context after a simple news-event like "OMG !!! A politician is watching porn … ". The context of why the woman had to take her top off is hardly of any relevance anymore … That's what porn is all about - provoking reactions to the events rather than the processes. Welcome to the 21st century media.

Have you ever wondered about this kind of stuff? I just did.

Good day !!!

Tweet

[EVIL TWIN] did youtube do this to you ever ?

from the desk of evil twin ...

You are sitting in your office cubicle engrossed in work busy typing away something that would eventually increase someone’s carbon foot-print as a result. Suddenly, the person in the next cubicle starts laughing all of a sudden in a loud, uncontrollable, characteristic duck-like quack. It turns out that he was watching some funny video on youtube and refused to instinctively remember his spatial (“place”) and temporal (“time”) context, that’s all - no emergency. And you just sit there - feeling a little weird having been conspicuously left out of the experience. Did youtube do this to you?

Similar incidents have been reported of all-of-a-sudden swearing, unprovoked slamming on the desk, uninvited aggression on office supplies and very often,  non-grammy award winning singing performances (seriously? you thought you could pull off “When the Levee Breaks” like Robert Plant while wearing a formal shirt ?) … all out of the blue and out to challenge the silent boredom of an office teamwork environment.

More evil-twin material at flawsophy's evil twin page.

Tweet

Are you a video junkie ?

I was at the airport terminal the other day. The flight passengers are slowly emerging one-by-one soon after the immigration and customs desk. I am just waiting right outside the door in the lobby. There was another desi couple waiting as well. Soon a desi family - a lady, her husband and a small kid emerge as the automatic door opens and this waiting lady rushes to hug and greet them. She is all smiles and happy to see her visitors from home. Now, the guy (of the waiting couple) seems to share none of that kind of excitement but instead decides at the moment to be an unofficial Alfred Hitchcock of the family. So, he is standing way behind, trying to record the whole thing using his iPhone.  To get a better view, he moved so far that he and I, at one point of time, are actually equidistant from the just landed family's luggage trolley. And he is recording the whole spectacle while his wife is prancing with euphoria. And now, he is irritably asking his wife to settle down because she is moving way too fast for the frame rate of a standard iPhone camera. Now, he is directing her to come closer, turn towards him and pose, you know, all that kind of stuff.

And I am just sitting there with my mouth wide open, trying to comprehend what is happening: Here's actually a guy who instead of participating in the pleasant ritual of cordially welcoming your guest is impulsively trying to record the reactions on the faces of his wife and his just landed guests after a 28-hr flight.

Question: What is one obvious thing you can say about the guests? 

Answer: They are not his relatives. They are his wife's relatives.

Moving on … Seriously, what can one possibly do with a video like that ? I wonder how many times this video is going to be played. Who is going to watch a video of your relatives coming through a rectangular hole in the wall - not a space shuttle door, just a normal automatic door in an airport lobby. What information could this video hold even 10 minutes later? Yet, it is saved in the memory disk of that man's phone for eternity. You know, if the whole humanity is wiped out because of an alien attack and somehow, his iPhone is the only phone that survives and aliens catch hold of it. And then, they see this video. And, if my intuition can be trusted, his phone is going to be full of videos like that. What are those magnificent aliens, those inter-galactic super-organisms going to think? They would think mankind considered walking through a door an achievement. And, as the readers of this blog very well know, walking is certainly not an achievement.

Day by day, people are eking through life irresponsibly, not worrying about the legacy they are going to leave behind.  You see, this kind of thought bothers me on days when it's too cloudy.

Tweet

New Year and the Law of Large Numbers

Folks, lets cut to the chase. I present to you a simple question: How was your 2011? Do you rate it as :

1. Below average
2. Average

3. Above average

If you want me wish you a happy 2012, it means I also have to wish you a crappy 2011. According to the holy laws of probability, The LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS indicates that if you had a "below average year" in 2011, there is a very good chance (probability = 67%) that you will have an above average year soon so that the average is maintained. So, if you are going through a lean (below average) period, soon things have to get better soon hopefully in the next year just for the sake of the average, if not for you (It's not personal ... It's math !!!). Now, did you have a bad 2011? If so, no amount of bittersweet love from certain someone can stop you from a wonderful 2012. So, rock away, all-my-dear-friends-who-had-had-an-utterly-forgettable-2011. But, if you think, 2011 was awesome and wonderful or according to the vocabulary of the sacred texts of probability, "above average" - you might have to curb your enthusiasm soon. Now, don't complain for it has to even out, after all.

(You are free to pounce upon me for this ridiculous logic. Take it away, nerds)

While on some rational days, I let mathematics decide how my days and years are going to be but, there is this creative side to me ... the dark side, if you will … a side which perceives the dimension of time as a relative phenomena like a non-linear arrow whirring alongside the emotional quality of my life experiences … it races when I am having a good laugh; it is reluctant to budge when I have to write my PhD thesis and refuses to go back when I jump a traffic signal and the cop catches me … I seem feeble to control time now … it is refusing to commit to a mere calendar … it's taking over me now … I feel weak. And vulnerable …  I don't believe the New Year actually. Oh! DO NOT get me wrong. It's not that I don't consider new year worth celebrating - I leave that debate to other pseudo-intellectuals. It's just that, deep down, I don't feel it's the new year yet. And, at this moment, I don't prefer to get my truth from your lame calenders, thanks to my artistic sensibilities. In the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, lurk the ghosts and shadows of all years gone by. In fact, It took me a long time to accept 2011 and guess what, I still have some hangovers of 1995 - when I am now quietly sneaking out the house from the hind bathroom door to play street-side cricket having surreptitiously placed my dismal 7th grade quarterly exam progress report  to be attested by my parents, not wanting  to ruin a good day's game just because I bombed in the insignificant geography exam ...

I guess somethings are going to get only worse like we had Walmart introduce a line of anti-aging makeup cream for 8-year olds but some things will remain exactly the same like Carbon will remain the sluttiest element of the periodic table and will continue to do interesting and entertaining things with it's BFF (Best Friends Forever) - Hydrogen.

FLAWSOPHY personally wishes you (pick any three but mix-n-match as you please) a {wonderful; romantic; handsome; prosperous; peaceful; godly; wet; gifted; adventurous; horny; demystifying; lucky; jus'safe-&-sound(if you are aiming low)} … HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

Cheers.

Tweet